Kirksville Nursing Homes: Helping the Elderly Die Quicker for Thirty-Five Years

My first real class in months and I'm almost late.

My boss at JavaCo offered to pay for a class in food safety at the Vocational Tech school for all that were interested in being certified. It was the five of us, some kids that worked at a concession stand, some ladies that worked at a nursing home, one of the owners of the Wooden Nickel, and a few other women that I wasn't sure where they worked but they said they made Sloppy Joes.

We watched an informational video that claimed to have "Real People! Real Situations!" but in fact featured worse acting than I've seen in the entire library of the Taco Bell instructional tapes and enough flashing font and synthesized techno beats to make the 80's blush. Most of the facts they presented were common sense bits I'd already known. Our instructor gave us a packet and a lecture, which covered word-for-word everything that was in the packet, and then a test, for which we got to use the packet. She tried to scare us with personal eyewitness accounts of times she's been out eating and witnessed unsanitary food preparation, but confessed that she was always reluctant to say something because she was afraid they would spit in her food. The other middle-aged women nodded and shared some tales of their own, and the two ladies who worked at the nursing home candidly spilled the beans about how there are some things they should be doing "in theory," but they don't get done.

I aced the test, which was ridiculously easy.

I realize food safety is important, and that e.coli, botulism, and salmonella are significant and possible threats, but I think that if I spent as much time paranoid about it as some are, I would lose my mind, never get any orders made on time, and develop the weakest immune system known to man. That, and I think the amount of instances that they recommended I wash my hands would cause me to either develop OCD or at the very least remove several layers of dermis.

At least I don't live in a nursing home. A reassurance on many levels not even having to do with food safety.